and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
