happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
