Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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