Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
