I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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