i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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