I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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