i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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