im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
