Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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