I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
