you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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