I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
