***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
