Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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