you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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