A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
