My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
