How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
