I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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