One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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