shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
