My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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