just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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