I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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