Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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