I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A+ Viking dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
