I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
