bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
