There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
