Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
