Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
