im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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