We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
