I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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