I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
