I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
