I think I am morally bankrupt
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
