I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
