last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
