i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
