he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
