a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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