wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
