Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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