so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
