oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
