it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my poor anus
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
