When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My penis needs a shock collar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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