Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
