Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
