You can't motorboat a personality
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
