she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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