GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
